Sunday, 01/27/02

I loooove my Tivo, but it wasn't until I was visiting a friend last week that I finally came up with a justification for its ability to record anything matching a given category. She uses it to record equestrian events; I realized I could use it to tape tennis. I love tennis, just not so much that I have ever once remembered to watch a tournament.

Tivo to the rescue. Tivo told me that the Australian Open was ending this week. Tivo was going to record the last few broadcasts! That sounded great.

ESPN suggested to Tivo that the women's final, featuring my crush of yesteryear Jennifer Capriati vs. all-purpose teeth-gnashing Swiss villain Martina Hingis, would run 90 minutes. Thus, Tivo abruptly quit paying attention after 90 minutes, devoting itself to recording a Hee-Haw rerun or something. Capriati was just on the verge of claiming the second set, after sleepwalking through the first one-and-a-half. It was my dumb luck that playing in 116-degree heat called for frequent rest breaks, and the match wasn't quite over. Capriati wins! Actual match duration: about 160 minutes.

The men's final was the next night. ESPN suggested three hours. There was plucky Thomas Johansson and his painted peanut gallery of hooting Swedish goons vs. all-purpose lumbering villain Marat Safin, Safin universally agreed by the mediocre color commentators to be the shoo-in. That is, until Johannson or his peanut gallery turned the tide in the second set, and the commentators started criticizing Safin for believing the hype. Highlights included many reaction shots of Safin's nearly topless girlfriend, who looked appalled, and Johannson's unflappable fianceé, who looked like she was trying to calculate pi. I'm predicting divorce.

Three hours lasted until the tiebreaking game in the fourth set, with Johansson potentially one game from his first Slam win. Now I can't listen to NPR or read any newspapers for two days, when the stupid thing gets rebroadcast. I think Tivo needs to get a big sports-related clue.

I told this story to my mom this morning. She's in grad school in London and hasn't had TV for months. She said, "You just can't imagine how effete this all sounds to me." (Hi, mom.) 11:20PM «

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